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The sun and the moon

Solitude 50x60cm

 Each part I write about my story is different, since each article is the resolution and integration of different aspects.  I am not single, or just one aspect, but the union of many.

 Having started painting as a self-taught person, from the very beginning I relied on inspiration and instinct, and my painting was initially based on an essential abstraction that started from basic geometric shapes.

 Then as other ideas came in I wanted to express things even more in detail, on a figurative level, and I felt that the visual description of the images in detail was something I had to deepen.

 Regarding this 2001 painting it is one of the first times that I have come close to the more detailed visual description of the images.

 I didn’t realize how symbolic what I was doing was, until Berenice, my inner master told me: proceed symbol after symbol …

 Berenice encouraged me a lot in painting, she said that she is always present in me, in my heart and in painting, and in fact it is there that I feel her on a deeper level.

 In encouraging me to paint, she told me that due to trauma during childhood, I had inverted my poles, and painting helped me to put them back in place and therefore to rebalance the masculine and feminine inside me.  It was thanks to painting that I rediscovered my femininity, when I was immersed in a purely masculine and rational world.

 In fact, in those years in Milan, while I was painting as much as possible in my home, the rest of the time I worked for others in the office on the computer.

 For all the years in which I had traveled I had never worried about the future, I lived for the day and also for this I was not afraid to take risks.

 Back in Milan I found myself immersed in a rational world where everyone lived according to the future.  And since I am very empathetic, the first years after my return I entered an existential crisis wondering about the future and what I would do with my life.  Therefore, while in the first two years following my return from my travels, I spent my small inheritance from a grandmother in schools, thinking of investing in my future.  I attended a private university to study naturopathy, only to discover that healing is innate in me and I don’t need to study it.  Berenice told me that I was going to study what I already knew how to do.

 I enrolled in art schools, to refine drawing and painting techniques, to discover that I was more creative when I went beyond the technique, which I had already done before.  I bought tons of books that I then barely read.

 After finding my home, I started working full time as an office clerk at the computer, for about ten years.  Every year I changed jobs, gave up one and found another, because I was bored to death.  I must say that those years were very profitable in the sale of paintings, because in almost all the places where I worked, executives bought my paintings or commissioned new ones.

 So in this painting, which is called, Sun and Moon, there is a girl in silver like the moon reflecting, while a lion observes the sun.  It is a bit like the union of opposites that I yearned for so much.

 So in a short time I went from the wild life in nature to spending eight hours in the office on the computer between orders and billing.  Of course, before this, I went through phases of relearning, first of all of the Italian language, which I had forgotten a bit, and in which I also relearned to cross the street while looking at the traffic lights.  And to use a computer.

 I never had learning problems, I started reading my first books when I was 4 and at the age of 7 the teacher put me at the back of the class to teach children who had more difficulties to read.  When my father bought the first Commodore 64, I learned the language of the computer, and at 14 a video game magazine gave me games on floppy disks, to play and write articles, earning 36 euros for each article.

 By writing, I can also look at the past, which in reality is always present in the memory, while it transmutes in expression, and I am in the midst of time, in a point where there is neither past nor future.  It is the center of my consciousness.

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