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Solitude

Solitude 50x60cm

If you read the previous articles about my story through painting you can see that every part is a different story in itself, as each story is the resolution and the integration of different aspects. I’m not singular, I’m not just one thing, but the union of many, the integration of many aspects as big is the world and beyond. My grandmother used to tell me, that I am difficult to define because I am many things, and I think we are all, only that many people manage to focus on just one thing so as to identify with it.

So as I got really inspired to write my story, may be someone else can get inspired in reading, and this is a safe space.

About this, in my early pictorial stages, being self-taught, I relied solely on inspiration and instinct, and my painting was based on an essential abstract art that started from basic geometric shapes. A bit like children when they draw, they start everything from geometric shapes, the body is a triangle, the head a circle, the house a square etc.

Then as I got the ideas I wanted to express things even more in detail, on a figurative level, and I felt that the visual description of the images in detail was something that I had to deepen.

With regard to the painting that I present here made on 2001 and which by the way is still available, it is one of the first times in which I approached the visual description of the images. Except for the lion, which I didn’t feel able yet to paint in detail at the time so I cut it out of some magazine and pasted it.

The picture is very symbolic. Everything was symbolic in what I was doing, even if I didn’t realize it at a rational level until Berenice told me: Proceed symbol after symbol…

Berenice encouraged me a lot to continue painting, she said that she would always be with me, in my heart and in painting, and in fact it is there that I feel her at a deeper level,or however when I do anything creative, even cooking, or writing like now.

In encouraging me to paint, She told me that due to trauma during childhood, I had inverted my poles, and painting helped me to put them back in place and to rebalance the male and female within me. In fact it was with painting that I rediscovered my femininity in Milan, immersed in a purely male and rational world.

In those years in Milan, while I was painting as much as I could in my home, the rest of the time that was most of the time I worked in an office on computer.

For all the years I traveled I had never worried about the future, I lived day by day, also for this reason I was not afraid to take risks.

Back in Milan I found myself immersed in a rational world where everyone lived according to the future and not the present. And since I am rather empathetic I entered an existential crisis asking myself about the future and what I would do with my life. Therefore in the first two years after my return from Brazil, I spent all my small inheritance in schools, thinking of investing in my future. I attended a private university to study naturopathy, to find out later that healing is innate within me and I don’t need to study it. Berenice told me that I was going to study what I already knew how to do. I enrolled in art schools, to refine drawing and painting techniques, to find out that I was more creative going beyond the technique, which I was already doing before, in any case it helped me a lot to gain more confidence. I bought avalanches of books which I then barely read.

I ran out of money when I found my home that I rented and started working full time as an office employee on the computer with orders and billing, for about ten years. Every year I changed jobs, gave up one and found another, because I was bored to death. I must say that those years were very profitable in the sale of paintings, because in almost all the places where I worked, the managers bought my paintings or commissioned new ones.

So in this painting, which is called Solitude, I am in silver like the moon that I reflect, while a lion observes the sun. It is a bit like the union of opposites within me that I yearned for and felt in those years. And it is mostly in solitude that I have found myself.

Before painting, before Brazil, when I lived in Tuscany and then in Spain, I lived for music, and I loved playing with other musicians, while with painting not, if not in some exceptions, painting for me is a lonely art.

So in a short time I went from wild life in nature, to spend eight hours in the office on the computer between orders and billing. Of course, before this, I went through phases of re-civilization. in which I also learned to cross the road and to look at the traffic lights. And to use again a computer. I have never had any learning problems, I started reading my first books when I was 4 and at the age of 7 the teacher put me at the back of the class to teach reading to children who had more difficulties. When my father bought the first commodore, I learned the computer language, and at 14 years old  a video games magazine gave me games on floppy disks, to play and write articles to review them, so I earned € 36 per article to play games and write about them. In short, time passes, but I’m in the middle of time so, there’s no past and there’s no future.

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