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Television in the desert

Television in the desert 40x50 cm

I post this painting mostly for the period I was going through when I made it. The picture represents a television in the desert, from which come out some tentacles I made with iron wire to which I twisted thick cotton threads which I then painted. So the painting is three-dimensional, a cross between painting and sculpture.

When I made this artwork I was in a villa on Como Lake, where my mother went with my grandmother and she invited me to stay with them for a period after I returned in Italy from Brazil.

At that time, I watched a lot of television which for me was something new, since in my travels I didn’t look at it, nor when I was a child for a long period. 

It was one of the reasons I felt like an alien in school, or at least the other children made me feel so as they looked at me in astonishment asking: Why don’t you have the TV?? 

Another reason for alienation at school was religion. Being my parents atheist I was no baptized or given a religious education like the other children, and my teacher, being very Catholic, when there was the religion hour, she put me in the back of the classroom to sew buttons. And again all the children were often around me in shock asking:  Why don’t you believe in God?? 

Too much was when the teacher, who I often instinctively called mom because she put clips in my hair when I arrived at school, one day she gave gifts to all children except me when they made communion. So, to feel “normal” finally I went to the priest and said: Okay! baptize me! 

In a few months I did baptism, catechism and communion . This time my two best girlfriends, with after each half of the class, were fighting for the credit of convincing me to believe in God, while I walked in the middle of the fight with open arms saying: no one has convinced me, it was me who found God and decided to believe him.  After a few years I was already sick of religion.

Anyway, to not digress too much, what I wanted to tell in this post is my relationship with food. Because in that same period at the villa on Como Lake  I was doing one of my fasts.

The intermittent fasting for me was a way to purify and elevate my consciousness, as well as being a means of healing. When I traveled, if I was sick, I spent a few days eating only fruits.

I have gone through various stages in my life of conflicting relationships with food. As a child, for example, I refused to eat, the absence of my mother equaled for me with the lack of nourishment and at 8 years old, I weighed 17 kg. Even with the hint of then ,I admire a lot the women who manage to come forward in career and society despite being mothers,.

Then with puberty I went to the opposite side, I attached myself to food, ate too much to vomit after.

This was followed by many years of fanatic vegetarianism, so much that I checked everything I ate in every little detail, I checked all the ingredients etc. Until after many years Berenice told me that animals rise themselves by sacrificing for humans, which has changed my whole perspective.

So now, even if I have never been a big meat eater,  I also like a good hamburger of fresh meat of choice, layered with vegetables, cheese, bacon and sauce, as made by my partner nobody does.

Returning to fasts, they were not a suffering for me, I liked them because they expanded my perception of things, up to get passionate by the books of Jasmuheen, a woman who lives only of prana and is an exponent of breatharianism. I followed her 21-day program several times, where for a week you don’t take food nor water, followed by a week just drinking water and then another week just fruit juices. During these fasts I did lot of yoga and breathing exercises to have more mental and physical balance.

The last time I did such a long fast was precisely at that time on Lake Como, where I also made this painting. When my mother invited me I had already begun fasting, and at the lake it was the ideal place to continue, so I accepted. I walked through the garden and felt the nature vibrate, smelled the flowers and felt the scent that nourished me, so the nourishment had moved to more subtle levels.

At one point my boyfriend of that time called me to go to the film festival in Lugano in Switzerland, and as I was already towards that area he came to get me. It was a magnificent experience, after watching the films we went dancing in the clubs and we had a lot of fun, he had brought the tent and sleeping bags and we slept in the campsite along the river among the mountains. The next morning, seeing the nearby mountains so high, I expressed the desire to climb to the top to see the horizon.

So we drove as far as we could, took a cable car and walked the rest. We went up the paths through the woods and I felt more energetic than ever, I walked like a mountain goat without stopping. Except that at a certain point looking back I realized that my partner was very tired, then I realized that by fasting for two weeks I had absolutely not thought about bringing food with us and my partner had not been eating since the night before. So when we reached a clearing we saw a house, where a super nice and welcoming lady refreshed my partner properly. Once he was refreshed and rested we went back on the way. I was looking forward to getting to the top. 

There was a clearing on the top of the mountain from which you could see the horizon at 360 ° with the peaks of all the other mountains that touched the sky. We had brought sleeping bags, and while he was falling to the ground I went back down to the woods to load wood. So after a spectacular sunset we spent the evening in front of a beautiful bonfire, under a clear sky full of stars and slept there. There was not even wind and I was not cold. It seemed to me that I was immune to any kind of suffering. 

While I was returning to the villa and after in Milan I had already fasted for three weeks and broke it with a piece of dark chocolate, it was a moment of priceless pleasure.

With that last fast I understood that the need for food is a mental programming, and that if I wanted I could have continued without problems, but what I missed was the sense of taste.

So since then I no longer eat to energize my body, but for the pure pleasure of eating.  I have no issues on what is right and wrong with food and above all I don’t do diets of any kind. Following a diet means following the mind, while listening to my body is another thing.

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